Homecoming
by Ms Kitten
Summary: I know I look like a brand new woman, but I don't feel new, I feel like I'm finally back to being me, not this pod-version that's been leading my life for so long. Violet/Pete my take on 3x19
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is my take on Violet's return in the latest episode from Violet's point of view. A major thanks to my friend Mediatorsk for betaing.

***

It seems like a lifetime ago. That's the thought that strikes me when I head down the metal stairs and put my two feet back onto American soil. I know I look like a brand new woman, but I don't feel new, I feel like I'm finally back to being me, not this pod-version that's been leading my life for so long. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to explain how white sandy beaches, fruity drinks with umbrellas in them and long treks through the jungle have lead to this rediscovery. Maybe it was the zen-like atmosphere of the place, maybe it was how burdens of everyday problems and responsibility were lifted, finally allowing me to breathe, to heal... Whatever it was, it helped me sort through my messy mind and take on one issue at a time. Deal with everything stress-free and at my own pace.

It hadn't been my idea to go, but I consciously chose to stay behind when the two weeks were up. I think Cooper understood why. At least he didn't give me a hard time about it, only made me promise it wouldn't be forever. Then we hugged goodbye and he boarded the bus leaving for the airport, and I was alone.

I'm not sure how many weeks have passed since then. In the jungle it doesn't matter if it's Monday, Thursday or Sunday, no day is ever the same, and you get a bit disoriented by the end of your stay. Even now as I stand outside the airport, hailing a cab, I'm not sure what day it is. I must have passed by a dozen or more newspaper stands and I wasn't even curious enough to check. It's not something that's on my mind. Not the day, not the time. I am in the moment of now, and now entails giving the cab driver an address, his address.

I don't know what awaits me when I get there, if he'll even be home. All I know is that there are two people I need to see, and for once in my life, none of them are Cooper. I have no plan, nor do I have a speech prepared. All I have is me and the hope that I will be enough.

I had almost forgotten what it's like to feel nervous. As I pay the cab driver and look up at his well lit house, a clear sign someone's home, I'm shivering. Leaving was never the hard part; coming back is, facing everything I've been hiding from is, and I'm about to do both. My feet feel heavy like they're made out of lead, and each step demands complete determination. I shake so much I miss the door bell on my first attempt, but I get it right the second time.

I don't think anything could've prepared me for how I would feel looking at his face again. I can't even describe it. He looks... good... shocked, which is to be expected, I guess. Most of all, he's just... Pete... the man that I didn't expect to, but inadvertently ended up falling in love with. I smile and press out a choked up, "Hi..."

He looks at me, his eyes taking in my full appearance. I don't know if he's doing it to avoid looking me in the eyes, or if he needs to make sure it's me standing in front of him. "Violet," he says. He's convinced.

"Yeah," I smile. I don't know what it is I'm about to say, just that I need to say something. "I came straight from the airport... And..." And that is when I realize he's not alone. My eyes wander over to the right and the sight literally knocks the wind out of me. He hasn't just moved on, he's made a whole new family. Him, our son... and Addison.

It strikes me how natural she looks, holding my child, like a mother would, like I should have so long ago. Lucas seems very comfortable in her arms. He trusts her. This isn't recent. She's been doing it for a while. I wonder how long, but I don't ask. It's not my place. They are a family, and I'm intruding. My eyes drop and I make the one request I still have somewhat a right to make.

"I wanna see Lucas." I try to hide my hurt when I look back up. It's not really his fault, and I shouldn't put this on him. Or her. They can't help it if they've fallen in love. I have to respect that, no matter how much it hurts.

"I, um... I'll just."

I turn around and walk away. I pass the bags the cab driver has left on the sidewalk. It's just clothes anyway, a few bags of coffee, some tea, a hat for Lucas... I can get them later. I've rounded the corner before I hear him call out, "Violet..." and I feel a hand touch my shoulder.

Taking a deep breath, I turn around. His expression is hard to read. There's no way of telling whether he thinks of my coming back as a good thing or not.

"She's not his mother..." he finally says. "She's..."

"Your girlfriend," I finish.

He looks down, almost shameful. "Yeah..." he says.

I swallow hard and nod. "Yeah..." I understand.

***

AN: Not exactly the ending I wanted to write, but it's one the story dictated. Maybe I will give this a sequel or two to bring it around.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I apologize in advance for this being such a short chapter, but that was how far my Muse decided to take me right now.

***

He shows up at my door the next morning, which takes me completely by surprise. In front of him are the bags I left behind at his place, and he has Lucas with him. Not really knowing what to say, I simply take the bags and hold the door open for him. Charlotte left for work an hour ago and she's agreed to pass on that I'm taking a couple of personal days before I come back to work, which was my plan all along. Of course, I believed I would be spending them with Lucas, rather than recovering from the shock of seeing someone else in my place. It's not that I expected Pete to wait for me forever, not with everything I put him through, but I simply wasn't prepared for what I saw.

Things ended awkwardly last night, and I think Pete is just as unsure as I am on where to go from here. I try to ignore the awkward tension and give Lucas a wide smile. "Hi," I tell my son, who's eyeing me with furrowed brows. At least he isn't crying. I'm almost afraid to touch him, not for the reasons that led me to stay away from him for so long, but because I feel as though I need Pete's permission to do anything when it comes to Lucas.

I finally look at Pete. "Could I..?" I ask, motioning with one hand halfway lifted in Lucas' direction. I am asking his permission to touch my own son. The irony is not lost on me. He nods and I reach out and carefully stroke Lucas' hand, his soft babyskin hand. "Hi," I whisper, not really sure what else to say. The boy eyes me with a mix of curiousity and skeptisism. I was prepared for it and I realize it's nobody's fault but mine, but I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt to know that he has no idea who I am, even worse is knowing he probably thinks of Addison as his mother. I feel like the most horrible mother in the world for being jealous of the woman who's been taking care of my son.

"You wanna hold him?" Pete asks, and I look up. I've tried avoiding looking directly into his eyes, but this time I fail. I swallow hard and nod.

I try my best to ignore the rush I feel when his hands momentarily brush against mine. I bite my lip and hold my breath and focus all my attention on Lucas. It amazes me how much he's grown, how all of a sudden he's become this little person. I try not to think about the many things I've missed and instead I hug him close to me and kiss the top of his head.

When Lucas begins to fuss a couple of minutes later, I try not to take it personally, but as I hand him back to Pete I can't stop the single tear running down my cheek. I try to hide it, but Pete notices and before I can do anything, he's wiped it away with his free hand. I close my eyes when he does this and I can't help but notice his hand lingering by my cheek for a couple of seconds before he withdraws. When I open them again he's not even looking at me.

I don't know what he's thinking and I'm afraid to ask. Instead my question becomes, "When are you meeting the nanny?" I at least assume he is only stopping by on his way to work.

"I took the day off," is his reply.

Before I can stop myself, I ask, "What about..?"

"She knows I'm here," he cuts me off.

***

AN: I think we can safely say there will be a couple of more short chapters before I conlude this story.


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